Lignin Stories

THIS is the reason why your children love stories...

fenechgiuliana@gmail.com (Giuliana Fenech) — Tue, 24 Nov 2020 16:18:33 GMT

Hope you are doing OK. Listen, I just read an article which really upset me. It wasn't saying anything new but it's still sad. The title read:

'Pandemic toll on mental health continues to deepen and the rise in self harm reaches an all time peak.'

I want to remind you, remind myself, to take care of US...not just all those around us but also ourselves. What makes you happy? What gives you joy? We must remember to do more of those things. Perhaps we can share tips with one another on how we practice self care...I'll put a post up in our Facebook group for this tomorrow.

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As you reflect on this, I want you to know that I am sending you a big hug and I want to remind you that there are many ways in which you can connect with us to receive support.

��You can join our FB group and engage with the content that we post there.

��You can sign up for our storytelling club, which gives you and the children something to look forward to each month and a delicious themed story pack to share together. Sign up here and use the coupon HALFOFFSTORY to get a 50% discount.

��You can create your own story and send it to us. Writing and creating can be therapeutic...don't worry about writing the perfect story or following the rules or anything like that. Just tap into your 6 year old inner child and let yourself have fun!

Please take good care of yourself, ok? Reach out to a friend, reach out to us. Be aware of your wellbeing ❤

Now...on to the subject of my email today. So many parents are surprised by the fact that their children love hearing stories. In my conversations with you, you always tell me, 'The more stories I tell my children, the more stories they want to hear!'

��

I want to share the reasons why this happens because, you see, it is not random. Quite the opposite. Your children's love for stories is connected to their cognitive and emotional development.

Between the ages of 5 to 10 and even younger, children still experience the world around them mostly through a multidimensional lense.

They use all of their five senses far more than adults do and that is why we sometimes perceive their behaviour to be very physical and 'rowdy'. It is not that they are rowdy but rather that they don't process the world around them through thinking. The world is still a relatively new place to them and so they need to take it all in to understand how they form part of it.

Think of yourself on holiday in a new place. Think of the first few hours that you spend in that new place �� You are more aware of the smells, the sounds, the way everything is laid out around you, the new tastes and textures. You take it all in at your own pace and savour it because it is new and exciting. In those days that you are in a different place, you are connected to a new sense of discovery and possibility.

You remember what it is like to be free to wander and explore, you are more aware of what is around you as you move through the space and you definitely take much less for granted. In many ways, you become a child again and this is why holidays are so reinvigorating.

For little children, the everyday world can often feel magical in the same way that our holiday vacations feel magical to us.

Little children are able to simply be...to be in the moment, to be fully focused on what they are doing, to be free of the million thoughts that so often plague the adult mind and simply explore and discover new things...

And this, my friends, is why they love stories so much!

Stories take us on holiday even when we haven't gone anywhere. They present us with the possibility to travel through new worlds, meet new people (or creatures) and go on adventures that thrill and excite us.

Stories allow us to remain children, to continue being in the world in a state of joy, to develop our sense of 'I see, I wonder'.

I know that for us, sharing stories becomes just another thing that we have to do every day because our children seem to need it. However, if we are able to slow down just a little and savour the moment we will find that story sharing can also become part of our own self-care. Actually tuning in to the stories that we share with our children rather than completing the task on automatic, can be immensely nourishing for us.

And, that is my invitation to you today. It is also the reason why I set up the storytelling club. I know it is easier for you to model how I introduce the children to stories and help them relate to them so now we have a monthly appointment to meet up and do this together.

I pushed the fee as low as I could...just circa $8 a month with our current 50% discount using the code HALFOFFSTORY . For $8 you receive a themed story pack and workbook with 12 printables and 12 audios, as well as a live online storytelling session each month.

SIGN ME UP NOW!

I know right...pure gold. Jump on board today before the special launch price goes away.

Looking forward to meeting you for our first session soon! Remember, meanwhile, take good care of yourself.

So much love,

Giuliana

Why Punishment Won’t Work and What Will

Sat, 27 Jun 2020 13:00:00 GMT

So many of us feel that the old systems of parenting no longer work. Punishments that humiliate our children and establish our ultimate power over them may have short term effects, but in the long run they just create an ugly distance between us and our kids.

We are desperate for a new parenting paradigm but what does this look like?

I have asked myself this so many times and shared long and honest conversations with so many of our customers to understand what the best parenting practices are and how storytelling is a powerful resource that can change our daily lives immeasurably.

We now have scientific research that shows us that punishment can be very harmful to children (see Dr. Margot Sunderland and Dr. Marshall Rosenberg) and also to ourselves.

So, how do we teach our children responsibility and respect?

How do we establish healthy boundaries with our children and set them on the right path to adulthood?

How do we deal with our children’s difficult emotions and behaviours if we are not going to use traditional ways of discipline?

I cover all of these topics and more in my interview with Kiva Schuler, the co-founder of the Jai Institute for Parenting (US). If you haven’t watched it yet please do so today.

In The Antidote to Discipline I explain how, traditionally, children were taught life lessons through stories.

The village elders would share their wisdom on a daily basis – they were storytellers and guides who naturalised the parenting process for us.

Children were taught the value of natural consequences:

Stories were used as a way of communicating the natural order of the world and connection was prized over punishment. In fact, punishment was not needed because children had a better understanding of the role they played in the family and in the community.

Parents were respected by children because they were respected by society. Their role and value was clear.

Unfortunately, nowadays, parents are often shamed for not bringing up the perfect children with the perfect solutions for all the global problems that the world is dealing with. Roles are unclear and the level of support that we receive is low, even though the job that we are required to do is complicated and demanding.

I would like to share some valuable life experience with you…to make this modern parenting journey bearable you have to find your tribe:

Find a group of people who support you and listen to you without judgement and shame.
Nurture your connection with these people because they will nourish you and have your back.
Find a mentor – a guide who shares your values and can lead the way for you.
Lean on the knowledge and expertise of someone who has spent their life studying the new paradigm and can offer you useful tips and easy to implement systems.

If my values resonate with you and you like what you read and what you see at Lignin Stories, then by all means please join our membership programme, The Story Solution for Parents.

I would be honoured to be your guide and share what I have learnt over the past twenty years with you.

Are You a Conscious Parent?

Sat, 20 Jun 2020 13:00:00 GMT

This is for you if:

If you relate to one or more of those you are probably already a conscious parent or on your way to becoming one.

You wake up each morning with the aim to be the best parent in the world and you go to bed with your head spinning as you revisit all the moments in the day that you could have handled better.

You lie there thinking of all the things that you will do the following day to make it better.

You probably search google for good parenting tips and end up reading tens of articles, which leave you feeling more confused.

Let me share a hack that I very often talk about with all our members in The Story Solution , that they say has changed their parenting life.

Instead of searching for articles that tell you how to be a better parent, search for articles on how we heal our inner child.

You see (and this may sound a little controversial), parenting is not really about raising our children. It is about healing our inner child.

There’s a lot to say about this but let me outline the main point briefly – when we become parents we are tasked with the responsibility of raising happy and healthy kids.

The world assumes that we are qualified for this, that we are ready.

The truth is many of us find ourselves becoming parents when we are at the start of our own journey of self-discovery and parenting just shows us (most often in highlighter pink) all the cracks inside of ourselves.

We project onto our children, the unhealed issues that stem from our own childhood.

Yep. Ouch. That hurts.

So…

If I grew up feeling that I am never good enough I will probably have overly high expectations of my child;

If I grew up in a household where money was an issue – ‘hard to make and hard to keep’ – I probably teach my children that hard work is inevitable and constant;

If I grew up with anxious overprotective parents, I probably overprotect my own child too.

‘But, I don’t want to!’ I hear you yell.

Then become more conscious of what your cracks are so that you can heal them and put on your parenting cap with a new kind of energy.

Set up a storytelling system in your family because stories are humankind’s oldest and most powerful form of communication. I will share some tips on how I do this:

This system will help you to become more conscious of what is going on inside of you, allowing you to be more present for your children.

One thing though…

Please don’t try to do all of this alone though. Team up with a good friend or reach out to me.

If you want continued support you can join our membership programme The Story Solution for Parents .

I have been practicing these systems for years and can help you develop yours.

Warning! Are You Distancing Your Child From You?

Sat, 13 Jun 2020 01:00:00 GMT

Today’s blog is very personal but stories are personal and so I hope you will read on.

There are days when I wonder if parenting ever gets easier. You too?

Trying to balance the needs of everybody in the family, whilst making sure that I see to my own too feels like a real circus act, a professional juggling act, but the problem is I am not a trained performer!

My balls tend to fall to the ground quite often and having to pick them up feels awful.

Do you ever get to the end of the day and wonder how you are going to wake up tomorrow and do it all over again?

Sometimes the weeks feel like a never-ending cycle and my mindset begins to spiral.

‘This is exhausting. I am so tired.’

‘I am damned if I do, damned if I don’t.’

‘I am not good enough for this.’

‘I am really doing badly this month.’

‘Does nothing ever go right?’

And the really nasty thing about a negative mindset is that it is impossible to fix on your own.

You hear yourself say these things, spinning negative stories about yourself and your life and then you notice your young children observing you.

Very soon, to your horror, they start to imitate you.

Did you ever notice that when you speak badly of yourself, your children begin to speak badly of themselves too?

Did you realise that young children repeat what you say really quickly and frequently?

When my children were little, I often found myself staring at them with my jaw dropping to the ground, as they would pick up on the negative things I was saying and repeat them back to me.

Often, seeing the behaviour I did not like in myself projected back at me, triggered my anger and I would end up correcting them, sometimes I would even end up shouting.

I wanted them to stop doing what I was doing myself.

In reality, deep deep down, what I truly wanted was my negative mindset to shift. But instead of shifting my mindset from negative thinking to a more positive focus, what was actually happening was that I distanced my children from me.

As they heard me shout, they withdrew into themselves.

I would later apologize and wrap my arms around them in a tight hug but ugh it felt bad!

Have you had this experience too?

We know life is hard but we still cling to hope because it is what keeps us going.

Problem is, unless you reach out you cannot change this downward spiral.

Maybe you already have a good network of friends or a life coach or therapist to help you flip negative thoughts into positive ones.

Maybe you just cringed a little as you read that.

When my twins were little I didn’t have a network of support. I felt alone and sad, especially after my divorce, which left me with two toddlers and a bunch of problems with no easy solution.

Luckily, one day as I sat in my lovely hairdresser’s chair she looked at me and said, ‘Look, I’m just going to say it as it is. You need help.’

She shoved a number into my hand and to cut a long story short, I ended up calling the number in the midst of a terrible panic attack around four months later.

Yes, four months! It took me that long to accept that I needed support…a guide through the difficulties.

Ten years of therapy later and numerous training courses down the line, I now practice a positive mindset every single day and I have built a membership programme that uses storytelling as a tool to support parents just like you.

You see, positive focus does not just happen. It is a practice. You have to commit to it. And you have to find a tribe that can hold space for you.

You can do that with us or elsewhere.

In case you want to do it with us, I hope you will join The Story Solution for Parents .

For a small investment each month, you get valuable coaching time with me, Q & A sessions, a whole toolkit of specially designed story resources to help you and your children, as well as moments of connection and fun.

Start by watching this interview (Kiva ends up in tears at the end!) and then sign up or reach out.

I have trained as a professional story guide to hold space for you with love and grace.

You deserve this!

So, let’s juggle these balls together… It’s so much better than trying to keep them all up in the air alone.

3 Ways Storytelling Will Make You a Better Parent

Sat, 06 Jun 2020 01:00:00 GMT

How are you doing lately?

Like other families (mine included) your family has probably struggled to get used to living in this new normal. In our home, we turned to our favourite and most trusted stories and focused on how stories can help us make better memories to help us find our balance.

Perhaps you approached the situation with a positive outlook, dreaming of all kinds of activities you would do with your little people. Fun learning, games, lots and lots of time to bond.

Maybe you saw all the posts on social media describing this as the perfect opportunity for parents to create special memories children will cherish for years to come.

And now, instead of beautiful memories and fun times you find yourself battling with your child to eat breakfast, brush their teeth, do their school work …

Tantrums and constant sibling bickering have become the order of the day.

And you’re exhausted. You’re exhausted and you feel as if you are failing as a parent.

Then my emails land in your inbox and you read them and think ‘Yes fine Giuliana, that all sounds lovely but first I have to become a better parent.’

And it’s understandable that you feel that way because when we feel overwhelmed we tend to stick with what we know. But today I’m writing to tell you that if you do this, you are putting the cart before the proverbial horse and missing out on the very thing that will improve your parenting.

Sharing stories with our children brings very many benefits to a family but today I will share just 3.

Let’s take a practical example. ‘A Single Drop of Honey’ (which I tell here ) tells the story of a king who refuses to get involved in issues which do not directly concern him. This tale can help children see how far events can escalate and how important it is to step in when we can. If your child goes through a phase of refusing to do anything not directly related to them, a reference to the king in the story can help them correct their behaviour without you needing to launch into a lengthy (and often unproductive) lecture.

I share more insights into how stories can help you parent in this recent interview with Kiva Schuler, co-founder of the Jai Institute of Parenting.

We share lots of tips and resources for using stories in our parenting in our Facebook group, so join us here to learn more.

The Antidote to Discipline

Sat, 30 May 2020 13:00:00 GMT

Hi!

If you are a parent of a 5 – 10 year old child please invest 40 minutes of your time to watch The Antidote to Discipline interview that I had with Kiva Schuler, Co-Founder of the Jai Institute of Parenting in the United States.

Kiva and I had a raw conversation about the difficulties of parenting and how stories can help ease our fatigue and frequent sense of guilt, in order to foster better communication in our family.

Although all our children are different, as parents we face the same struggles. We do our very best day in day out but most often our good intentions end up in confrontations – arguments that arise because we expect our children to behave one way but they have other ideas!

So, how can we meet somewhere halfway?

I asked myself this so many times and shared long and honest conversations with so many of our customers to understand what the best parenting practices are. In The Antidote to Discipline , I share this insight with you but here is just one example of the many that came up…

Isabelle was at her wits’ end, struggling with the daily battles she was having with her five year old son who absolutely refused to brush his teeth in the morning.

Each day started with arguments, Isabelle ended up shouting, Max ended up in tears and the whole family angry and frustrated because they were always late for work and school.

Max went to school feeling sad because he had made mummy angry and mummy went to work feeling guilty because she had made Max sad.

This went on for weeks until Isabelle joined our online programme and worked through a module that suggested introducing character into everyday situations. Max’s toothbrush became a character called Bobo and his teeth became a group of friends.

As they played, Isabelle asked Max to imagine what happened when Bobo didn’t visit his friends in the morning and Max, loving the idea because this was no longer about him but about these imaginary characters now, quickly answered that the teeth became sad.

This allowed Isabelle to ask how teeth behave when they are sad and what sadness feels like. Suddenly, Max told his mum that the teeth felt just as he did whenever the children at school leave him out of their games. He too was often sad.

This was the first Isabelle had heard of this issue because Max had never complained and his teacher had not noticed that anything was wrong. Now that Isabelle had this new insight into his feelings, she brought it up in conversation more often and together they spoke about ways of improving his relationship with his peers.

Not wanting to brush his teeth was Max’s way of saying that he didn’t want to go to school but a very coded way which made it impossible for Isabelle to understand at first.

Stories gave both mother and child an easy way of communicating their inner thoughts and emotions. Now, Max wants to create characters to deal with other challenges that he faces because they allow him to make his feelings visible and to explore them in a safe way.

The story also gave him tools to talk about his feelings even when he did not understand them clearly.

It releases the difficult emotion for the child and the pressure for the parent, creating a win-win situation for the whole family.

Families that integrate stories into their daily routines notice that communication becomes easier and the need to tell off or shout at our children is eliminated.

So, dive in!

I cannot wait for you to get the juicy content of this interview so that it can help you and your family too.

You Cannot Imagine Your Child’s Future Job

Sat, 16 May 2020 13:00:00 GMT

Do you ever watch your child and wonder what their life will be like when they grow up?

You know what I mean, that moment when a happy, childish laugh rings out through your home or you check in on them as they sleep soundly and peacefully and in that heartbeat, you can’t help but hope that they will always be this happy.

As parents, no matter how different we are, we all want the same things for our children. We hope that they will grow up to be happy, healthy, and successful. These seem like simple enough ambitions for our children right? Who doesn’t want that for their little ones?

The challenge that parents often face is knowing exactly what they need to give their children to enable them to grow to be healthy, happy, and successful.

We know instinctively that what worked for our parents will not necessarily work for us as parents because our children are growing up in a very different world to the one we experienced as children. And their futures look very different too.

In the past, for most people success lay in one’s ability to follow instructions, to complete given tasks well and on time. And so parents and educators focused their efforts mainly on teaching children the skills that would see them grow into employable adults because, although money is not everything in life, we know that financial stability is key to being able to live healthily and with less worry.

Today, we are living in an environment of constant change and according to some estimates, 85% of children will eventually grow up to work in jobs that do not even exist today.

As this article in Today’s Parent explains, familiar careers like those of lawyers and teachers will change radically meaning that future workers will need to retrain five times during their working life.

Our parents and grandparents did the best they could, with the knowledge they had. As parents ourselves, we know that the parenting styles of the past, which encouraged compliance above all else, will not help our children today.

They simply do not equip children with the skills they will need.

As they reach adulthood, our children will need to be problem solvers, innovators.

They will need to be able to think ahead, to ensure that they can thrive in their chosen field.

So how do we prepare our children for this uncertain future? How do we teach problem solving? Empathy? Creativity?

It seems like a daunting task, doesn’t it?

But don’t worry, because there is a simple way to teach your children all these skills. It is the same method used by our ancient ancestors who relied on oral storytelling to pass their wisdom on from one generation to the next.

When we harness the power of consciously sharing stories in our families, we encourage our children to experience the world from many different perspectives.

Stories help children, experiment and take risks in a very safe environment because the events in the tale do not impact them in real life.

Stories invite children to think about the challenges faced by the characters, perhaps think of other ways they could have solved their problems.

Does this sound like something you would like to try in your own family?

On Tuesday 19th May, I will be giving the second of two free classes on how you can combine stories and play in order to achieve the best benefits for your children. (If you missed Tuesday’s class, don’t worry just hop on over to our Facebook Group to watch the replay).

During these classes you receive:

I look forward to hearing from you soon!

10 Ways to Play

Sat, 09 May 2020 13:00:00 GMT

We’ve been cooking up some fun at Lignin Stories, preparing two special classes during which we are going to share some storytelling and play ideas with you.

JOIN THE FREE CLASSES NOW

Did you know that the one thing that all mammals, from you to dogs to dolphins, have in common is play?

Take a look at these other interesting facts about play:

Playfulness has been the basis of major scientific discoveries. Albert Einstein formulated his special theory of relativity after imagining himself chasing a beam of light.

The history of human flight is grounded in play, beginning with the Chinese top, a toy propeller on a stick invented around 400 B.C. The same type of top was later a favorite boyhood plaything of British inventor George Cayley, and inspired his pioneering 19th-century flying machines.

Teens have no problem hitting 10,000 hours of playing time, at least when it comes to video games. That’s the average time gamers spend by the age of 21. (PS It is said that 10,000 hours is the amount of time needed to achieve mastery in anything!)

Young dolphins’ spontaneous games, such as blowing bubbles for fun, might be related to learning more practical applications: Dolphins sometimes use “bubble curtains” to trap fish when hunting.

Washington State University neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp believes diminishing classroom playtime could be responsible for the recent rise of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

Children will play whether they live in a suburb or a war zone. The urge is so strong that children even played in concentration camps during the Holocaust.*

Bottom line? Play is such a core part of us it deserves our attention!

That is why on the 12th and the 19th May I will be giving two free classes on how you can combine stories and play in order to achieve the best benefits for your children.

During the classes you will receive:

Clarity on the different types of play that exist
Clarity on the type of play that your child enjoys and learns from most instinctively but which you may have forgotten how to have fun with, because most adults are boring... sorry, truth hurts ;)
Simple stories and story activities for each type of play
An opportunity to receive direct coaching from me!

Join us and invite a friend too!

JOIN NOW

As the examples above show, play is not only a fun activity that you can engage in with your children, but it also offers us a valuable resource through which to improve our parenting skills.

I like to think of it as +EBI, which stands for:

+ (my parenting is good BUT it could be) E (even) B (better) I (if) I knew many more ways of playing with my children!

Join us in our Facebook group The Story Solution for Parents on Tuesday 12th May 2020 to benefit from some super useful information and resources!

Why Mummy, Why?

Sat, 02 May 2020 13:00:00 GMT

Many parents have found that being at home with the children for so many days has been an interesting experience (and on some days a very tiring one too!).

When we are all out and about, the pace is so fast it is easy to lose sight of what is happening just before our eyes.

We get caught up in getting things done and, often, we stop watching our young children slowly discover the world around them for the first time.

As parents we are overwhelmed. It sometimes feels like we have so much information coming at us constantly that, yes, we learn how things work but the magic that once mystified us gets lost.

We become engrossed in getting through each day, coping with all the challenges by looking for quick solutions. In the process, we lose our sense of wonder and awe and sometimes we expect our children to lose it too.

But the cocooning (a much nicer word than quarantine) has changed that. As we all slow down, parents are noticing that their children still find the world around them to be magical – an old pot becomes a pirate’s hat and an army of ants crawling up the cupboard door opens the way to a new adventure.

Our young children are finding stories in everything that is around them. They are finding possibility and excitement in the everyday things that we dismiss as dull.

Whilst we forget to be curious, to question and explore what is around us because we are focused on problem-solving, our children are navigating the journey through a different lense.

When no answers are available, we simply dismiss the question and move on to the next one but children are curious and creative.

Why, mummy, why?’

Mummy, why can’t we fly?

Mummy, why is broccoli green?

Mummy, why do we die?

Mummy, how can ants crawl upwards?

The brain of a 5 – 10 year old child is constantly imagining and reshaping the world.

For every unanswered question they find ten possible answers.

Their brains are programmed to think: I SEE – I WONDER.

Perhaps, as grown-ups, it would benefit us to pause more often and to say, ‘Hmmm, I see __________, I wonder what it can become!’

This, applied to our work, our family, our life could open up huge possibilities for us. It could help us release some of the frustration we feel through expectations of ourselves and our children that are too high and instead allow us to enjoy the current moment more.

Our children teach us that sometimes life is not about having the right answer but rather about exploring all the options.

Encouraging our children to be curious allows them to grow into independent adults who are critical thinkers, able to identify challenges and find solutions.

Very often, curiosity also allows our children the joy of accepting that there is no single answer, no real urgency in figuring everything out straight away.

Allowing ourselves, as parents, to be curious may lead us to solutions that we had not previously thought of. It may help us to stay calm and breathe, observe, lean in, breathe again before jumping into a quick fix that may leave us feeling even more frustrated because we do not achieve the outcome we desire.

If you would like to discover how we facilitate this process – Breathe, Observe, Lean In – through storytelling, do join our FB group The Story Solution for Parents , as I will be sharing super valuable insights through a series of live broadcasts over the coming weeks.

Be curious. Make your way to us. We are waiting to welcome you.

On another note, we were so impressed with the stories and pictures that we received in response to our last competition that we simply couldn’t resist launching another one. Check out the details in the poster below and feel free to share it widely. The more the merrier!!

Courage is the Gift that Grows from Belonging

Sat, 25 Apr 2020 13:00:00 GMT

When a child feels that they belong, that they are accepted and supported, they are more courageous.

The responsibility to parent our children so that they grow up feeling that they belong, that they are accepted and that they matter can feel very overwhelming and scary. Do you agree?

Each of these concerns is valid and yet the parenting wheel continues to spin, each day with new expectations and new challenges to address.

No wonder people say it takes a village to raise a child!

I saw a great meme about this the other day, which asked, ‘OK, I agree. Is there a number I can call?’

This struck me because it highlighted that whilst some of us are incredibly lucky to have that village, many of us are plodding along alone.

Many of the working parents I know struggle to keep up.

We struggle to balance our work, the children’s schooling responsibilities, and our family’s well-being and every day we go to bed feeling exhausted because we are doing too much and yet guilty because we feel that we should be doing more.

I often stop to remember the days before the children were born and how I thought it would be as opposed to how it really is. Woah…what a difference right? Still a wonderful experience but in many ways so much harder than what I imagined!

At least part of the difficulty could be alleviated if parents received better support.

The thing is, support comes to us in different ways.

For me, it came through stories.

As my children grew and their ways of communicating with me became more challenging to deal with, I realised that all of the stories that I had told them as young children were coming in useful.

The characters we had encountered and the adventures we had been on together in the stories that we loved, gave us a path through the difficulties.

As my twins became teenagers, I thought they needed the stories less.

But I was wrong.

They needed exactly the same reminders they did as children – they needed to know that they are accepted, that they matter and that they belong.

As they go out into the world (virtually for now but still!) to learn and experience new things, they are still afraid sometimes.

They still need to talk about difficult feelings and situations like sadness and hope, responsibility and justice.

And so I remind them of the stories we shared when they were younger.

A rich stillness falls in the room. We all travel back to a place of comfort and safety – a place where we can all belong.

And after this rich and nourishing moment of connection, the twins always feel ready to face whatever new challenge the day has brought.

I could explain the science of why storytelling works so well to you but it requires more time and space than I have here…

Which is why I am inviting you to a free masterclass to share how stories can help you parent too.

Join the Facebook group here .

Stories support us in dealing with parenting challenges because:

You get to be you and me - we all learn association and empathy, making us kinder towards one another.
We get to play with different possibilities, we are not stuck in one frame of mind.
We all get to feel that we belong, that we matter.

How does that sound?

Children who belong, know how to love, and are courageous.

This leads to an open and easy family communication system, which equals less stress and more fun when you are with your children.

So, let’s do this!!!

Do You Feel Alone? Here’s Why…

Sat, 18 Apr 2020 13:00:00 GMT

The Native American saying, " it takes a village to raise a child", is repeated so often that we lose sight of the truth behind it.

In the past, families lived in close proximity to their extended family; grandparents, aunts, uncles and an army of cousins were always close at hand. Whenever parents needed practical help or some sound advice, they always had someone supporting them, sharing their experience and lending a helping hand.

Although many of us no longer have that communal support and our relatives may not live close by, we still derive comfort and support from visits from and to family and close friends. In the situation we find ourselves in at the moment, may of us are missing that regular, physical contact with our loved ones.

The sense of isolation is possibly stronger for parents of young children, and children may not understand why they can’t visit and hug their grandparents or friends. Suddenly, we are faced with a whole new set of challenges that we realise we’re not well-prepared for. There is no advanced training for parenting, and nobody was prepared for our new reality. We must all learn as we go along.

The practical aspects of parenting your child in today’s circumstances are easy to master with some planning. But what worries you most is making sure your child is still happy, confident and secure in these very uncertain times.

Storytelling offers the perfect opportunity for parents to explore big feelings with young children who may not have the words or knowledge to be able to describe what they are feeling. And when parents share meaningful stories with their children, they can help little ones understand, and come to terms with, feelings of uncertainty and loss.

Now, if you are anything like me and most parents, you are thinking, ‘This is great but how on earth do I put this into practice in my family?’ Most of the parents who join our programmes have the same concern.

They also ask us where they can get hold of good stories to share with their children. Don’t worry! We’ve got you.

Start by joining us for a live and free masterclass in our Facebook group, The Story Solution for Parents .

Invite your friends too! The more the merrier.

During this class, I will show you how to share stories with your children and which stories are perfect to get you started.

Let’s do this! Let’s build a beautiful and supportive village for each of our children to grow up in.

How to Parent Like Angelina Jolie

Sat, 11 Apr 2020 13:00:00 GMT

When children are little we talk to them, but when they become teens we must learn to listen.

Every time I see this woman doing anything….acting, volunteering, public speaking, even parenting, she takes my breath away. You too?

There is much to say about Angelina Jolie – I have been a fan for decades – but it is only when she had twins, in 2008, that I began to pay attention to what she was saying and doing as a parent.

It cannot be easy to raise 6 children with mixed baggage, whilst maintaining a demanding career, acting as spokesperson for massive institutions like the United Nations and more recently going through health scares, as well as a divorce.

We may be tempted to dismiss her achievements as a natural consequence of her wealth but that would be a mistake. Many celebrities have left us feeling sorry for their children but not Angelina.

Sure, she has more wealth than most of us but nonetheless, she makes it clear that she faces similar struggles to us when it comes to her six children. So what has helped her to stay close to her children and nurture a family story that is positive and healthy?

As her youngest now move into their teenage years too, we can pick up some of her best practices, including the way in which she frames childhood and her role within the family structure.

Angelina makes it clear that commands and punishments will not work once children become teenagers, so fostering an open and honest system of communication with them from when they are really young, is very important.

Our customers share the same experience, saying that when they introduced the positive story solutions that we teach in our programmes to their families, they felt empowered to move away from traditional parenting – commands and punishments – into richer and more nourishing ways of communicating with their children. Just like Angelina, we can all create family stories that work for us, ensuring that as our children grow, the bond we share with them grows in the same way.

Inspired by Angelina Jolie’s parenting style, this week we are happy to share 3 positive story solutions to reflect upon when thinking about your role as a parent in the family and the effect that your actions have on yourself and your children in the long-term:

Positive Story Solution 1: Accept your child/ren’s personality.

Instead of battling your child/ren to turn them into a version of themselves that fits your expectations, pause and observe who they really are. Letting go of who we think our children are, allows us to embrace their true nature, and fosters harmony in our homes.

Shiloh Jolie-Pitt has drawn attention to herself as she prefers to wear masculine-type clothing and has asked to be called John. To Angelina, this is no big deal, and why should it be? She speaks of the importance of allowing children to express who they are in safe spaces because this gives them the confidence needed to grow into mentally healthy adults.

Sharing stories with our children offers us the possibility to observe them and understand what they associate with, in a space that is free of judgement. In Lignin Stories programmes, we often invite parents to share stories from the oral tradition because these contain deep truths that allow us to dig deeper into how the world works and explore different possibilities with our children. Stories from the oral tradition often focus on helping us to understand our role in the world – a powerful resource for children.

Positive Story Solution 2: Parent your children the way you wish you were parented yourself

Jolie usually has tears in her eyes when she speaks about her mother. ‘She was a great listener. I could talk to her about anything. No matter what would happen I knew she’d love me.’

Learning to let our children lead and learn through their own mistakes is not easy sometimes. Storytelling allows us to gift them freedom without having to worry about serious consequences. In stories, children can find their voice and we can empower them to use it for good causes.

Jolie claims that her parenting is inspired by her mother and the way she helped her to understand her role in the world: ‘She made me feel like I had a voice. She was gentle but when it came to her children she was elegant and fierce. She made me understand that nothing would mean anything unless I lived a life of service.’

Let children explore what their true purpose in life is by offering them different kinds of stories and allowing them to choose their favourites.

Positive Story Solution 3: Teach your children kindness

Jolie told Hello! that the lesson she is trying to instill in her six children above all is kindness. She’s trying to teach them “kindness—to others and themselves,” she started. “It’s important to be humble—know the freedoms you have and what you’ve been blessed with and make sure you help others. And always remember your place—we’re all human and very flawed. We’re tiny pieces in a much bigger world. As they grow up, I find my children are strong individuals but still open-minded. I try to lead by example and be kind and gracious, as my mother was—and loving and tolerant. But when there’s a fight that needs to be had, get in there. We need to prepare the next generation because there’s so much happening in the world— they’re up against it. I’m working on a program for children with the BBC. We’re counting on our children so we must give them the right knowledge and support.”

If you would like to watch the interview, it is here

To help you talk to your children about kindness and explore this very important value, I have prepared a story called The Apple Tree and the Rosebush, for you. Allow children to explore the actions of each character and the emotions that are triggered as a consequence. Show them that kindness makes everyone, including themselves, more joyful.

An apple tree and a rosebush lived side by side. The rosebush loved to boast about her beauty and her smell. ‘You are so old and plain’, she would say to the apple tree, ‘I, on the other hand, am lovely.’ The apple tree did not say anything but deep down his feelings were hurt. One day, a little girl walked past the tree and the bush, attempting to pick some roses to take to home to her sick mother. As she reached out towards the rosebush, its thorns cut deep into her skin making it bleed. The little girl was very sad and ran away crying. The next day she returned, for her mother really needed cheering up, but this time she thought she would try to collect some apples. They were very high up in the branches so she threw some stones at the tree and to her delight lots of apples fell down. The little girl ran home, happy and laughing. That night, when the rosebush began her usual boast about her beauty and her smell, the apple tree replied, ‘You may be beautiful but you are also unkind. When children praise you and reach for your roses, you prick them and make them cry but when they throw stones at me, I still gift them apples.’

May Angelina Jolie and our positive story solutions inspire many magical moments of connection in your families and please do reach out to us if you would like additional support and story resources.

Photo Credit: Nurphoto + Getty Images

Walk away from fear NOW!

Sat, 04 Apr 2020 13:00:00 GMT

How stories help us move away from fear and into truth

Fear is a frame of mind, a single voice amid a hundred others, that stories can help us flip around.

Often we feel afraid when we think we have lost control of our lives or the lives of those we love. The voice of fear is deep and strong and very very convincing.

When the news of a global pandemic broke, for a few days I was afraid that my children’s lives would be turned upside down.

Then I remembered how years ago, during my divorce process, I would lay awake all night afraid that my children’s lives were ruined forever.

And, ten years before that, when my twins were in ICU, I sat by their incubators and cried, day in day out, because I was afraid that their lives would be marked by this pain and sadness.

You see, fear is a frequent visitor to all of us, especially parents, because we live with our hearts outside of our bodies. We live every moment conscious of the wellbeing of our children because, deep down, we know that try as we may to keep them safe in colourful bubbles, life will have its way.

When my twins were born they were in special care for weeks. One day, as I sat by the incubator, tears streaming down my cheeks, a nurse sat next to me and asked why I was crying.

When I told her that I felt sad because my children were in pain and afraid because this was not the life I had imagined for them she said…

‘Listen to me very carefully.

This sadness and this fear is yours not your children’s.

They will not remember any of it.

They will hear you tell the story of how their lives began and they will retell it as their hero story, as something brave that they accomplished.

It will make them smile and deep down they will feel proud to have experienced this.

So, don’t be afraid for them.

They will not carry this painful memory forward.

Only you will.’

My jaw dropped.

She was right!

It made so much sense, it seemed so simple and yet it was a complete lightbulb moment for me.

The tears stopped, she had taught me a life lesson that would gift me more serenity than I could ever have imagined.

From that moment on, when I hear the voice of fear in the distance I pause and check whose story the voice is telling. Is it really my story?

Is it someone else’s story, which I do not need to own?

And then going deeper, when I am afraid for my children, is the voice really telling their story or mine?

If it is mine I can breathe, I can remind myself that children experience the world differently to us.

BREATHE. OBSERVE. LEAN IN.

Just like I don’t need to carry other people’s fear stories, my children do not need to carry mine.

What I am afraid of, my child may be oblivious to.

That ICU nurse taught me that fear is just one voice, that there are many voices telling the same story and that it is MY RESPONSIBILITY to walk away from the voices that don’t belong to me and my gift to realise that my children will do the same.

What a relief!

I don’t need to own other people’s fears and my children do not need to own mine.

BREATHE. OBSERVE. LEAN IN.

A story to reflect upon:

Once there was a city surrounded by a high wall with only one gateway. One day a fierce and terrible giant came and placed himself right outside. No one could go in or out. Whenever anyone tried to get close, he reared up, brandishing a huge club. At last the king himself decided to face the giant. He stepped towards him but the giant jumped to his feet and let out a thunderous roar. For a moment the king faltered but then he took another step. The giant roared again but the king kept going. And then he noticed a strange thing – the closer he came, the smaller the giant seemed to become. In fact, by the time he reached him, the giant was no bigger than his little finger. Bending down, the king picked him up and put him on the palm of his hand. ‘Who are you?’ he asked. ‘My name’, said the giant, ‘is fear’.

Rest easy. All will be well.

A Story Ritual That You Can Introduce To Your Family

Sat, 28 Mar 2020 13:00:00 GMT

First things first, have you sent your submission to our story competition? If not, hurry, you have a few days left. Please share with your friends too!

On to more fun now… this week we are going to talk about story content and story rituals.

Parents often ask which stories are best suited to their children and how they can find them. Content is, of course, important but how we share that content will have a much bigger effect on our children.

As teenagers, even adults, we rarely remember the words and phrases of the stories we read many times over as children but we will definitely remember the connection that stories fostered in our families.

We remember feeling safe as our parents read us bedtime stories, we remember lying in bed imagining what it would feel like if Peter Pan swept in from the dark and we also remember the comfort stories brought us when we were going through a difficult experience.

Often these memories are linked to rituals – patterns of behaviour that we repeat in our families so that they sink into our understanding of who we are.

You may already engage in family rituals without realising that you are doing so but if you feel called to introduce a few more, to strengthen your relationship with your children by giving them a space through which to express themselves openly, then read on to see how setting up a story jar can work for you.

The Story Jar Is An Easy Ritual That You Can Introduce To Your Family.

The Story Jar

All you need for The Story Jar ritual is a see-through jar and small squares of coloured paper on which children can write their feelings or thoughts during the day. If children are too young to write you can use colour coded papers (tell the children that red is anger, blue is calm, yellow is excited, etc.) or images printed in advance.

Encourage the children to place a message in the jar whenever their mind is heavy with thoughts and their heart heavy with feelings. This allows children to have an outlet for their thoughts and feelings even when you are busy.

Looking through the jar gives you insight into the energy in your house each day or each week. The children receive the message that their feelings are valid and recognised, whilst you get time to process the information that they are giving you before deciding on the best way of approaching it.

Choose a time to pick a few messages out of the jar together and tell each other what each message means through a story. Helping children project their feelings onto imaginary characters allows them to be more open, more courageous.

You can start by saying, ‘Once there was a boy/girl who [insert feeling] because when [insert what happened] they were [insert consequence of what happened].

Encourage the child to continue the story and take the role of listener.

Free Resources from some Wonderful Children’s Authors:

A number of children’s authors are supporting us by offering free access to their work or reading their work online. Here are some that you can follow and share:

Oliver Jeffers: https://www.facebook.com/oliverjeffersart

David Walliams: https://www.facebook.com/WorldOfDavidWalliams

Mo Willems: https://www.kennedy-center.org/education/mo-willems/

A whole library of digital children’s books: http://www.openculture.com/2016/08/enter-an-archive-of-6000-historical-childrens-books-all-digitized-and-free-to-read-online.html

A Note for Maltese Families:

Jake Cassar isalva r-renju tar-Re Pankrazju IV (Book 1) (Clare Azzopardi) – https://app.box.com/s/hkycaaak8khrfddsb5s4ah2n6drkr4dh

Imeldina (Sandra Hili Vassallo) – https://app.box.com/s/79yxqofkfyz7i4nvqb6iaykd8ecss8gd

For a younger age group, Imeldina is this sweet girl always getting into trouble. More basic text for children starting to acquire confidence to read on their own. Again, for anyone interested in more there’s two sequels (in print, not audio) and a spin-off about Imeldina’s cousin, Mikelin.

Arloġġ u Tila (Roberta Bajada) – https://app.box.com/s/c9l8rd1wqf79o56wgfgkg3yrm41bls27

This is a full-fledged novel for ages 9+. Combines adventure, magic and appreciation of art as the plot revolves around (real-life) famous paintings and one of Salvador Dalí’s bent clocks that, here, has magical dark powers! There’s a sequel – in print – to it, called Arlekkin Isfar.

Is Learning Online a Good Thing?

Sat, 29 Feb 2020 13:00:00 GMT

Learning and Connecting Online…a good thing or yet another complicated new fad?!?

Today I would like to think through online learning with you – changing our idea of being online from a mostly negative one to a positive opportunity.

Over the past three years, I have invested a lot of my research time in finding out more about online learning. This phenomenon is quickly growing as we learn how to spread our message to more people via the internet.

Whilst this can be empowering, sometimes it can also be noisy and draining.

There is a lot of good material on the internet but it is a struggle to find the quality stuff if you do not know where to look!

Traditional education training does not prepare us for this way of connecting and so new skills, methods and systems are needed.

Read this article on the future of learning .

We need skills that help us filter through all the information that bombards us every single day.

More and more, we seek to find platforms that curate the material that we are interested in for us – this reduces the amount of time we spend searching through poor quality ideas and presentation and instead get maximum value for our time.

I have learnt to choose who I follow on social media very carefully because my time is precious and I want to use it well.

Your time is precious too!

Have you carefully chosen what appears on your newsfeed and how you spend your time online?

Whilst the digital landscape can be noisy and lead to waste of time, it can also be fruitful and inspiring.

For those of us who juggle work and home, online learning may be the only way we get to do something for ourselves.

This was a big consideration for me when I decided to take part of Lignin Stories’ teaching online.

It is understandable that you have other commitments and may not be able to attend all the live events.

I get it. Life gets in the way sometimes.

I too am a full-time single mum (which practically equals a full-time taxi driver too…thanks kids!), a full-time lecturer/researcher, a full-time storyteller, etc.

This means that I often have to pass on things that I want to do for myself and for a long time it meant that my learning and personal development was put on hold.

I couldn’t take time out to go back to studying or learning about things that interested me. I just couldn’t manage being physically present.

For a while, I accepted this as a natural consequence of my life choices but deep down it began to make me miserable.

I wanted to meet new people, exchange ideas, learn and be inspired.

I wanted to be a role model for the young people I work with and my own children too – I wanted them to see that women can have both families and self-development.

Then, one day, a friend sent me a link to mindvalley.com and it’s fair to say it changed my life.

Mindvalley offers online programmes and courses in many different aspects of life.

They build communities of like-minded people who meet weekly, monthly, annually online and sometimes in person too.

Although I was skeptical of the friendships I could make and the learning I could harvest online, I decided to take the plunge and join.

I’m so glad I did.

Mindvalley led to other online platforms and over the past five years I have discovered so much that would not have been available to me. It has motivated me and kept me inspired to do my work.

Watch Mindvalley founder Vikesh Lahkani on how your pain is often your breadcrumbs to your values and your values become the guiding light for your purpose on the planet.

The design of The Story Solution and Children Who Belong takes my personal experience, as well as latest research into online learning, into account.

The modules and recordings of live events ensure that you can participate no matter what your personal situation is.

This means that even if you cannot attend one of the live events, you will still benefit enormously from joining the programme.

We will have tutors available to keep you on track and guide you through anything that remains unclear to you as you go through the programme.

The price of remaining isolated from like-minded people is disconnection and sadness.

The hard truth is that what doesn’t grow, dies.

I know the world needs you.

I know that we cannot afford to let your passion for learning die.

These two programmes were created for you.

One of them will surely appeal to you.

Take a look and let me know which.

3 month programme for parents – How Stories Can Help You Parent

3 month programme for teachers – The Story Solution For Teachers

"I Don’t Have Time"

Sat, 22 Feb 2020 13:00:00 GMT

Maybe I can live on automatic …

PAUSE!

If you are anything like me, pausing requires effort.

For many years, I needed a really good reason to pause and as a mum and full time educator, usually the reason needed to be connected to my children or my work.

For many years, I worked through my to do list religiously. Answer emails, make lunches, teach for a set number of hours, go shopping, cook, answer more emails, check in on my parents, cook again, drive the kids around, clear the kitchen, scroll through social media to feed myself the illusion of a social life, remind everyone to brush their teeth, prepare lessons and the list goes on…

Unless I had ticked all the boxes, I wouldn’t go to sleep.

And first thing in the morning I would revise my list to make sure that I had not left anything out.

In many ways, this system works. It is organised and helps me be responsible.

I am well known for being reliable and for delivering high quality work on time. My children are used to having a mum available to meet all their needs and the combination of work and home ran like clockwork.

But something was missing and about three years ago, I began to feel very tired and demoralised. There were days when it got so bad that I finally had to acknowledge that something had to change.

I did a lot of self-development work, trained with coaches who had greater experience than I, updated my research into working with children and participated in mindset workshops that pushed me way beyond my comfort zone.

The deeper I went into this work, the more I realised that the stories I told myself about my value, about who I am and why I matter, needed to change.

It sounds obvious now but back then I needed to burn out and embark on a process of healing to accept what I needed to change and learn how to change it.

Through the work I did with experts in the vocational sector, as well as parent coaches and storytellers, I realised that no amount of efficiency in working through my to do list or quick fix baths were going to give me what I needed.

I needed to PAUSE.

I needed to accept the scary fact that unless I nourished myself first, I could not nourish anyone else.

Unless I taught myself how to create and maintain boundaries to serve those I love well, I would end up hurting them and myself. My parenting and my teaching would suffer.

Perhaps, like me, you know the discomfort this brings.

Perhaps, like me, you have been mistaking your ' to do' list with your ' to be' list.

Perhaps, like me, you realise that at some point we need to pause and take care of ourselves.

Ouch… difficult realization because I actually like being as efficient as a robot.

But robots don’t love, they simply operate. I was tired of just operating and I wanted to change my patterns.

I realised that I couldn’t change my unhealthy pattern of leaving myself last on the ‘to take care of’ list on my own.

To be honest, I don’t think anyone can do it alone. Not me, not you, not anyone.

I know it’s scary to take the first step. I know because I am a mum and educator too. I ‘should’ be hardwired to manage and preferably to manage alone!

But this is a lie. I don’t have to manage alone and neither do you.

Please don’t try to manage alone…it’s an awful feeling.

Instead, you can receive support that is proven to work, you can reflect on the balance between work and home in a safe environment, you can manifest systems that allow you to sustain yourself, your students and your community.

These two programmes were created for you.

One of them will surely appeal to you.

Take a look and let me know which.

3 month programme for parents – How Stories Can Help Me Parent

3 month programme for teachers – The Story Solution For Teachers

And if the voice in your head is shouting ‘I don’t have time!’ just shout back even louder ‘Shut up’ or if you’re a little more polite you can shout ‘PAUSE!’

How Stories Can Help You Befriend the Wild Within

Sat, 15 Feb 2020 13:00:00 GMT

What would life be without stories?

Unimaginable!

Humans think, dream and feel their way through life with stories.

The more stories we tell and receive, the richer our relationships with those around us become.

Whilst parents and teachers tell stories to the children in their care regularly, it is sometimes nice to sit back and let others treat us to the magic.

Which is why we are delighted to be welcoming Špela Kaplja back to Malta.

Špela is a writer and storyteller with a special interest in using stories and creative writing to enable people to connect to the natural world. Špela founded the ecological organisation Terranima which focuses on researching natural life and our connection to it. Špela continues to combine ecology and storytelling, organising youth camps, forest workshops, ceremonies with horses and other activities to broaden awareness of the ways in which the natural world is interconnected with our life.

On the 20th of March, Špela will be gifting us magical stories about humans and nature in an event for all of the family.

Befriending the Wild Within is an animal story and totem card workshop that helps participants look beyond the stories that present animals as vicious and dangerous enabling them to embrace the true qualities of animals, helping them to connect to the wild natural world outside and within themselves. Come and listen to the friendly story of a wolf, a gentle story of a big bear and open your heart to the mystery of a bee. This workshop is aimed at adults and children of all ages and promises to be a great opportunity for family bonding.

Places for this are limited so register to join us here .

Finding The Road Home

Sat, 16 Nov 2019 13:00:00 GMT

Taken from the beautiful book by Katie Cotton and Sarah Jacoby, The Road Ho me

If you need help finding the right stories for your children, email us to ask about our parent support programme, Children Who Belong

In this programme (launching December 1st), we show you how to use this solution in everyday life and you even get personal coaching from Giuliana, who helps you find the best stories for your family. Our email address is hello@curiousandcourageous.com

Why Children Need Stories

Sat, 09 Nov 2019 13:00:00 GMT

Stories help children feel that they belong, that they matter.

Stories help children address feelings such as:

feeling unwanted
feeling of being the unfavored one - always needing to be in control
feelings of wanting to hit out - living in fear

After sharing a story, it helps the child to talk about the characters and what happens.

We can encourage this by asking questions.

If you need help finding the right stories for your children, email us to ask about our new storytelling programme, 21 Stories for 21 Days .

Let us help you change parenting habits that are not working for you into special moments of connection by sharing with you 21 stories for 21 bedtimes.

Ready to meet a whole fleet of special characters who will guide us in meaningful play with our children?

How Stories Make Responsibility Easier to Handle

Sat, 02 Nov 2019 20:56:00 GMT

Have you ever stopped to think about the stories that you share with your family in everyday life?

Maybe they go something like this, ‘Good morning, I love you. Time to wake up sweetie.’

So far, so good!

But ten minutes later they shift to, ‘Aren’t you up yet? Hurry up! You’re going to be late for school. How many times must I tell you to sleep earlier so that you’re not so tired in the morning?’

Or maybe it begins with, ‘Hi! How was your day, love?’

And then quickly becomes ‘Can you please put that phone down?’ or ‘Are you going to eat that food or just play with it?’

When I meet with parents to talk about all the ways in which stories can help them parent, they always ask for tips on how to manage resistance in their children.

How do we get our children to do what is needed without arguments?

How do we manage all our responsibility and theirs without using commands all the time?

‘Hurry Up! Do your homework. Stop arguing. Eat your food.’

Commands may get the task done but they don’t help us build powerful relationships with our children.

Often commands lead to arguments.

And arguments leave children feeling frustrated and parents exhausted.

If this sounds like a familiar issue in your family, then you can try our storytelling solution.

There are just three steps to it!

When you want to teach your child to act responsibly, help them understand how different choices have different consequences. Link the task you want them to do with how they will feel if they do it and also if they don’t.

Allow them to experiment with the possibilities.

Find a story that shows a character dealing with the same situation and talk about the story with your child.

Try to avoid judging the child’s opinion of the character. Sometimes it takes time for children to understand consequences.

Teaching children to think about feelings gives them the power to act more responsibly and avoid negative consequences.

If you need help finding the right stories for your children, email us to ask about our parent support programme, Children Who Belong.

In this programme (launching 1st December) we show you how to use this solution in everyday life and you even get personal coaching from Giuliana, who helps you to find the best stories for your family. Our email address is: hello@curiousandcourageous.com

Helping Children Accept Themselves Through Stories

Sat, 26 Oct 2019 13:00:00 GMT

Today I would like to share some thoughts about self-acceptance.

Many parents and teachers of little children say that it is so difficult to hear them say things like, ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I am so ugly’, ‘I don’t want to go to the party because everyone will laugh at my hair’.

It is not only a challenge for children but also for us grown-ups.

How do we convince them that they are good enough?

How do we reassure them that no one is going to laugh at them?

How do we move beyond our own feelings of insecurity?

So many times, as parents and teachers, we offer reassurances to comfort our children but deep inside we are worried.

Worried that maybe someone will laugh at them.

Worried that they give more importance to other people’s opinions of them than is healthy.

The easiest thing for us to do is offer a practical solution. ‘OK, we won’t go to the party, we’ll go get ice-cream instead.’

The hardest thing for us to do is sit next to them and listen, without trying to fix it for them.

A middle way is to share the moment with them whilst giving them resources to work on self-acceptance.

Stories are a good resource to help develop self acceptance because they allow children to think about themselves through the experience of others.

Let’s use the story, The Stag at the Pool by Aesop, as an example.

A thirsty stag went down to a pool to drink.

As he bent over the surface he saw his own reflection in the water. ‘Wow’, he thought to himself, ‘look at my antlers, they are so beautiful.’

Then he looked at his legs and he felt sad and disappointed, ‘But look at my legs, they are so skinny and weak and ugly.’

While he stood there looking at himself, he was seen and attacked by a lion but he ran away he managed to go so fast that the lion could not keep up.

The stag had managed to escape!

‘Oh, he thought to himself, ‘had it not been for my legs I would have been caught.’

After that day he never thought badly of his legs because he knew that when he needed them to save his life, they did.

Using the stag as an example, we can spend some time helping children to appreciate who they are.

We can use the lesson that the stag learnt about his legs to show children that they are good enough.

Using the story as an example, we can help them find positive things about the parts of themselves they like least.

Repeatedly offering them stories about self acceptance helps children change the negative thoughts they have about themselves into positive ones.

If you need help finding the right stories for your children, email us to ask about our new programme called 21 Stories for 21 Days.

In this programme (launching 1st December) we send you a story a day for 21 days (because in 21 days you can change negative patterns into positive ones). Our email address is: hello@curiousandcourageous.com

Guess How Much I Love You

Sat, 19 Oct 2019 20:00:00 GMT

I hope this week has brought many hugs and cuddles.

If your standard week is anything like mine, it is usually a mixture of those and moments when I have to take a deep breath and remind myself to slow down.

Daily routine is so fast that if I am not careful I end up sounding like a broken record; hurry up, brush your teeth, pack your bag, wash the dishes, give me a hug, go to bed…

Then we go to bed and as I lie down I find myself thinking, ‘Hang on, where did today go? Did I tell the kids I love you?’

And this seems to be a common experience for parents.

This week, I ran another session of our school tour called, How Stories Can Help You Parent.

I had the honour of meeting a group of parents with children between the ages of 6 – 7.

We had a very open conversation about the challenges of parenting but also about the way in which being a parent changes our relationship with everyone else; our husband, wife or partner, our parents, our friends.

We asked ourselves, ‘How do we nourish our relationships with others when we are feeling tired or overwhelmed?’

I don’t have all the answers but I do know that stories can help. How?

Stories allow us to build shared routines in an easy way.

Let’s use the book, Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney, as an example.

Little Nutbrown Hare held on to Big Nutbrown Hare’s ears very tightly because he wanted to make sure he was listening when he said, ‘Guess How Much I Love You’.

He uses his body to express how big his love is – he stretches his hands wide open, he stands on his head and points his toes upwards, he hops up and down, looks out to the hills – and then tells his father that he loves him that much.

But, being bigger, his father can always stretch wider, stand taller, hop higher and see further.

It becomes like a game for the two hares and the little one realises that his dad is always going to be bigger and so he looks up at the moon and says, ‘I love you right up to the MOON’ and falls asleep as his dad whispers, ‘I love you right up to the moon AND BACK.’

The repetition in this story makes children feel safe because they know what to expect.

It is the same in our daily lives with them.

Repeatedly sharing little stories with them makes them feel safe and makes connection easier for us because we are not constantly looking for new things to ‘entertain’ them with.

We connect with them on a deeper level just like Big Nutbrown Hare does.

We feel calmer, they feel safer.

Watch a video story of Little Nutbrown Hare and Big Nutbrown Hare.

What little repeated stories can you introduce to remind the children that they are safe, loved and precious?

If you need help finding the right stories for your children, reach out to us here !

Or email us at info@ligninstories.com